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The Black Shadow Chronicles: Educating Dende

Disclaimer:  Dende, Chiaotzu, and Vegeta belong to Toei Animation.  I’m only using them for entertainment purposes; I am not making a profit in any way, shape, or form. 

      One day, Jenny decided to have some fun on Arturus.  Vegeta was getting dirty ideas again, so he decided to follow her.  Surely the prince of the Saiyans would be able to endure Jenny’s driving skills......right?
      “Hey Vegeta, I’d advise you not to get in a car while Jenny’s in the driver’s seat,” the Cryptkeeper warned just before he left.
      “What does it matter?  Jenny can drive, can’t she?” Vegeta asked.
      “Of course not!  She’s sixteen!”
      Vegeta stood next to Jenny on the Arturus streets.  “So, what do you have planned?”
      “I was planning to take a drive,” Jenny said.  “Care to join me?”
      “Of course!  I’m game for a good thrill.”
      Jenny climbed into a car, and Vegeta got into the passenger seat.  Jenny fastened her seatbelt and turned to Vegeta.
      “Fasten your seatbelt,” she said.  “I don’t have my driver’s license yet.”
      “Your what!?” Vegeta gasped.
      Before he could protest any further, Jenny started the car.  She slammed on the accelerator as hard as she could, causing the tires to screech before the car started moving.  She gained speed quickly, swerving left and right, driving on and off sidewalks, knocking over trash cans.  Vegeta dug his fingers into the seat under him, trying to keep still, but the rough ride tossed him around.  After a while, Jenny made a left turn so sharp that it caused the right side of the car to lift from the ground.  That was the last straw for Vegeta.
      “That’s it!” he snarled.  “Stop the car!  Stop the damn car!”
      Jenny stomped on the brakes, bringing the car to a screeching halt.  It stopped so abruptly that Vegeta catapulted out of the front windshield, crashing face-first into a fire hydrant.  Jenny stuck her head out the driver’s window.
      “Is there a problem, Vegeta?” she called.
      Vegeta picked himself off the ground with several bloody cuts on his face.  “Move over.  I’m driving from here.”
      Jenny laughed as she scooted into the passenger’s seat.  “Do you really think that you can drive better than I can?”
      Vegeta’s eyes slanted.  “Jenny, even a snake can drive better than you.”
      He climbed into the driver’s seat and began driving.  He drove much more smoothly than Jenny had.
      “You know, I’m kind of hungry,” he said.  “This looks like a good place to snag some grub.”
      “Uh.....Vegeta.....” Jenny began.
      “Hush.  Don’t worry, I know how you eat.”
      “Vegeta, this isn’t a very good place.”
      Vegeta pulled into a drive-through building and stopped at a speaker.
      “Can I help you?” a man asked through the speaker.
      “Yes, we’ll have two hamburgers with fries, along with a soda,” Vegeta replied.
      Jenny held her laughter in.
      “Uh, sir.....” the man said.  “We’re a bank.”
      Vegeta looked surprised.  “Uh.......I knew that!  What do you think I am, some kind of idiot?”
      “Yes.”
      Jenny lost it.  She burst out laughing.  Vegeta gave an angry grunt as he drove out of the bank.
      “A bank?” he asked.  “How was I supposed to know that it was a bank?”
      “It was right on that sign, smarty-pants,” Jenny replied.  “What, are you blind?”
      “I’m not blind!”
      Jenny looked at him suspiciously.   “I’d better keep an eye on this guy.”

***

      Now that Dende was staying with the Spices, he would eventually fall prey to Black Shadow and his minions.
      “Dende, do you know how to fight?” the Cryptkeeper asked.
      “No, I can’t fight at all,” Dende replied.  “Why?”
      “Because we’re at war with a villain named Black Shadow,” Mighty Gazelle said.  “You’ll need to know how to defend yourself.”
      “I’ll train him,” Pico said flatly.
      “Why you?” Gazelle asked.  “You’ll just end up assassinating him.”
      “I may have killed many people,” Pico said.  “But none of them were children.  I’ll be more than happy to take Dende under my wing.”
      “You sure don’t look happy,” Arbin said.
      Dende performed a visual examination on Pico.  His steel boots, his blue gloves, his red shell, his yellow beady eyes and sour face were all rather frightening.  But looks aren’t everything, Dende thought.  Perhaps there was a nice guy inside this fierce turtle.
      “Are you sure I can do this?” Dende asked.
      “Of course,” Pico replied.  “If you work hard enough, you’ll be able to fight as well as any of us.  You’ll especially be good if we start right now, so let’s go.”
      Pico and Dende left the room.  Dende wandered into the dining room where Ruth was having her meal.  He looked at her cup.
      “What’s that?” he asked.
      “This is coffee,” Ruth said.  “It really gets you going.”
      “Can I try some?”
      “Sure.”
      Ruth got another cup of coffee from the synthetron and gave it to Dende, who took several sips.
      “It’s good!” he said.
      “Oh, while you’re here, I registered for you to go to school,” Ruth said.  “Robyn, Rachel, Hallie, and Chiaotzu are going, too.”
      Pico came into the room.  “There you are!  What’re you doing?”
      “I’m drinking coffee,” Dende replied.  “It’s really good.  You should try some.”
      “Children shouldn’t drink coffee,” Pico said.  “They get ants in their pants.”
      “What do you mean?” Dende asked.
      “You’ll see.  Come on.”
      Pico led Dende into the Simudeck and created an open field environment.  Then he was ready to start his lesson.
      “Okay Dende, listen up.  In order for you to be tough in battle, you have to be emotionally tough.  You have to be bad.  That’s the way to survive.”
      “Bad?  Being nice is better,” Dende said.  “You’ll be greatly rewarded.”
      “Perhaps, but you don’t want to be too nice all the time,” Pico told him.  “Take Arbin, for instance.  He’s already died twice because of his kindness.  That’s why he’s a zombie-cyborg.”
      “But Guru told me that kind people are eventually granted eternal life.”
      “And what does Guru know?”
      “I say it’s true because Arbin died twice, yet he’s still alive,” Dende said.
      “Whatever.  Why are you shivering like that?” Pico asked.
      “I drank coffee,” Dende replied.
      Pico chuckled.  “Hmph.  What’d I tell you?  Ants in the pants.”
      Dende continued to tremble violently.  He tried to hold still, but it just wasn’t working.
      “Well, let’s get back to it,” Pico said.  “In order to succeed, try to think of your favorite thing.  What thing do you like best?”
      “Guru,” Dende said.  “But I don’t see how thinking about my favorite thing is going to help.”
      “All right then.  What is the one thing that irritates you most?” Pico asked.
      “Well, I really hate it when someone calls me Slug Boy,” Dende told him.  “Whenever someone calls me Slug Boy, I just wanna smash, crush, pound, and destroy!”
      “Oh, I know the feeling.  I feel the same way whenever someone calls me Turtle Man.  Now, back to action.  All I want you to do is copy my moves.”
      Pico took a fighting stance, then began throwing punches into the air.  Dende copied his moves as instructed.  As Dende grew more acquainted, Pico added some kicks and blocks.  The beginner’s training continued.....

***

      The little girls were hanging out on the bridge while Dende was training.
      “Wow, Pico is actually teaching Dende how to fight!” Robyn said.
      “But copying his moves isn’t going to help,” Hallie said.  “He needs a real fight.  We should arrange for a fight.”
      “But how do we do that?” Rachel asked.  “And who is Dende going to fight?”
      “Hmm.....how about Skitter?” Hallie suggested.  “We can tell him that Dende has been insulting him.  Then Skitter will challenge him.”
      “But Dende wouldn’t insult people!” Robyn protested.
      “And what if he loses?” Rachel asked.
      “Dende won’t lose,” Hallie assured them.  “As tough as Pico is, he’ll have Dende in tip-top shape in no time.  Now let’s make that phone call!”

***

      Meanwhile, in Devil's Palace, Black Shadow sat in his throne in his usual, gloomy mood.  He was just plain tired of being in a gloomy mood.
      “Why am I always in such a gloomy mood?” he asked himself.  “I really need a hobby.  Hmm.....maybe I’ll feel better if I sing a song.”
      He began tapping his finger on the arm of his throne to get a good rhythm, then began to sing.  “Rockin’, rollin’, splishing, splashing, over the horizon, what can it be?”
      Suddenly, Skitter raced into the room.  “Master!  Master!”
      “What, what!?” Black Shadow asked impatiently.
      “It’s a tr......tr.....” Skitter stammered.  “You’ve got a.....a......I mean it’s a t-t-t-t....”
      “A transmission?” Black Shadow suggested.
      “Yeah, that’s it.”
      “Interesting.  Black Shadow formed a video screen in the air, and the three little girls appeared.
      “Hey Black Shadow!” Hallie called.
      “Oh look, it’s the three little pigs – I mean girls,” Black Shadow cooed.  “So, what can I do to you today?”
      The girls paused, thinking about that last question.  Then they decided to ignore it.
      “Actually, we wanna talk to Skitter,” Hallie said.  “Our new friend Dende says mean things about him.”
      “Who is Dende?” Skitter demanded.  “What’s he been saying about me?”
      “Dende is a Namekian child,” Rachel said.  “He says that you’re a big sissy and that your mom gives you a bottle every night.”
      “He also says that you got your brain from the bird store,” Robyn added.
      “Why that little.....” Skitter growled.
      “And it gets worse,” Hallie continued.  “Dende wants to fight you.  He wants to kick your butt.”
      “I’ll kick his butt first!”
      “We’ll set the fight for the day after tomorrow,” Rachel said.
      “Why then?” Robyn asked.
      “Because tomorrow, he has to come to school with us, and then he has to do some more training with Pico.”
      “You’re on!” Skitter shouted.  “I’ll teach him a thing or two!”
      “Well, bye!” the girls called.
      “Goodbye, girls,” Black Shadow called back.
      After closing the transmission, Black Shadow began to laugh.
      “What’s so funny?” Skitter asked.  “I’m not sure if I’m up to this.”
      Black Shadow stopped laughing.  “Skitter, this is a child.  Surely you’re not afraid of a child, are you?”
      “Of course not!”
      “Good.”
      A moment of silence passed as Black Shadow sat back with a sigh.
      “What is it, Sire?” Skitter asked.
      Black Shadow looked up at him feebly.  “Skitter.....do you have any idea how old I am?”
      “No.....how old are you?”
      “Old.  Very old.”
      “But I thought you were immortal,” Skitter said.
      “I am,” Black Shadow told him.  “But if only I had immortal youth......like Spinal, for instance.”
      “You don’t seem to be that old,” Skitter insisted.  “Look at you; you have nice big muscles, magnificent powers, and you’re an awesome warrior!”
      Black Shadow sighed again.  “I appreciate your compliments, Skitter, but I’m afraid it’s no use.  However, maybe this fight with Dende will cheer me up......”

***

      Back at the Spice Rack, Pico was just about finished teaching Dende his fighting moves.
      “Okay, section one is complete,” Pico announced.  “First thing tomorrow morning, you’ll meet me here to continue training.”
      “I can’t!” Dende protested.  “I have to go to school in the morning!”
      “School?”  Pico thought for a moment.  “All right, meet me here first thing after school.  Then I’ll teach you how to use your moves.  Afterwards, I’ll teach you some more moves, and then teach you to use them.  We’ll go step by step.”
      “You got it!”  Dende skipped out of the room happily.
      “And stop trembling!” Pico called after him.

***

      At bedtime, Ruth and Carlos tucked the kids into bed.
      “Now get some rest, everyone,” Ruth said.  “You’ll want to be fresh for school in the morning.”
      “I’m so excited!” Chiaotzu said.  “I’ll actually get to learn some math skills!”
      “You can’t do math?” Hallie asked in astonishment.
      “Not at all.  I can’t even add or subtract.”
      “Well, starting tomorrow, you’ll learn a lot,” Carlos said.  “Goodnight.”
      Ruth and Carlos left the room, leaving the door open.  The twins fell asleep almost instantly, but Chiaotzu wasn’t having as much luck.
      “Dende, why are you shaking like that?” he asked.
      “I-I-I can’t help it!” Dende stammered.  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
      “Shake, Dende, shake!” Hallie called jokingly.
      When Vegeta passed by the room as he walked down the hall, Dende called out to him.
      “Vegeta......can you sing a bedtime song?”
      Vegeta growled to himself as he walked into the bedroom.  “All right.  Rock-a-bye baby in the tree top.  When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.  When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall.  And down will come baby, cradle and all.”
      “That’s the dumbest song I’ve ever heard!” Hallie cried.
      Vegeta ignored her.  “By the way, Dende; forty-four hours until you die.”
      He left the room chuckling.
      “What’s that supposed to mean?” Dende asked.
      “I know what it is,” Hallie said.  “We’ve arranged a fight between you and Skitter.”
      “Who’s Skitter?”
      “He’s one of Black Shadow’s goons.  He’s the weakest of the bunch, so you shouldn’t have too much trouble.”
      “Did you have to make the commitment without checking with me first?” Dende asked.  “I haven’t even trained for a day, and you’ve already set up a fight?”
      “The fight isn’t until the day after tomorrow,” Hallie told him.  “So you’ll still have time to train some more.  Goodnight, Dende.”
      She closed her eyes and went to sleep.  Dende pulled the covers over himself so that only his wide eyes could be seen.  He was still trembling uncontrollably.  He continued to tremble until he finally fell asleep.

***

      The next morning, the kids woke up bright and early, then had breakfast.  Dende gave himself a dose of coffee before leaving.
      In the Arturus Elementary classroom, a teacher was lecturing his students.  The top of his head was bald, he wore glasses on his face, and he had a puppet on his right hand.
      “Children, we have five new students today,” he announced.  “Please welcome Hallie, Robyn, Rachel, Chiaotzu, and Dende.  I trust that we can all help them make themselves at home.”
      The five new students stood in front of the class.
      “My name is Mr. Wilson,” the teacher said.  “Go ahead and take any of the remaining seats as you like.”
      The students spread out, randomly taking the empty seats.  Dende sat next to a girl with brown curly hair.  She wore a green sweater with darker green pants.  She wore two small red barrettes in her hair.  She was very beautiful.  She also looked timid.  Dende stared at her as if in a trance.  Her angelic eyes mesmerized him.
      “My name’s Rebecca,” she said.
      “Uh.....”  Dende found it hard to speak.  The innocence in her voice matched the sparkle in her eyes.
      “Um.....I’m Dende,” he finally managed to spit out.
      “Benny?”
      “Dende.”
      “Donny?”
      “DENDE!!!”
      “Oh.”
      “Now, today we were discussing the universe’s greatest warriors,” Mr. Wilson said.  “We were currently focusing on the Saiyans.  Class, although the Saiyans can summon over five thousand watts of power, they are totally idiotic.  All they cared about was gaining more and more power in hopes of becoming a legendary Super Saiyan.  Who can tell me how long it’s been since a Saiyan became a Super Saiyan?”
      Dende raised his hand.
      “Yes, Dende?” Mr. Wilson asked.
      “I dunno,” Dende replied.
      Mr. Wilson sighed.  “You’re not supposed to raise your hand if you don’t know.  Now, who does know?”
      Nothing but silence.
      “It’s been 3,000 years!” Mr. Wilson told them.  Now, does anyone know what happens when a Saiyan looks at a full moon?”
      Hallie raised her hand.  “They turn into giant gorilla beasts!”
      “Yes, that’s correct, Hallie,” Mr. Wilson said.
      Chiaotzu raised his hand.  “Excuse me, but what kind of school is this?”
      “This is an elementary school,” Mr. Wilson told him.
      “But why are we learning about the Saiyans?”
      “What were you expecting to learn?”
      “Well, I was hoping to learn some math,” Chiaotzu said.
      “Math?  Are you kidding?  Nobody uses math except for the GSA staff,” Mr. Wilson explained.
      Chiaotzu looked down and sighed.
      There was a knock on the door, then Vegeta came into the room.  He handed a note to Mr. Wilson, who read it silently.
      “Another new student!?” he gasped.  “Luckily, we have one more empty seat in the back corner.  Class, this is Vegeta.  Let’s all treat him with a little respect.”
      Vegeta couldn’t stand to look at the kids as he walked to the back of the room.  He pulled the last seat over to the far corner and sat down.  Mr. Wilson resumed his lesson.
      “Now where were we?  Oh yeah, the greatest warriors of the universe!  Now we’ll move on to the imperious Ginyu Force.  Children, the Ginyu Force members are perverts; they like to harass pretty girls and play with bones.  In fact, the leader, Captain Ginyu, likes to switch bodies with his opponent.  That’s why the simple fact remains that the Ginyu Force is totally gay.”
      “What kind of school is this?” Vegeta thought.
      “Now, the only thing slightly entertaining about the Ginyu Force is their stupid little poses,” Mr. Wilson went on.  He began to imitate the Ginyu Force poses, which had the kids laughing hysterically.
      “Also, having Saiyans turning into giant monkeys isn’t necessarily bad,” Mr. Wilson continued.  “So long as you can keep them entertained with barrels of bananas.”
      “What!?” Vegeta snapped.  “No one talks about my race like that!”
      He stormed up to Mr. Wilson, ready to vaporize him.  The teacher didn’t feel threatened at all.
      “Vegeta, return to your seat, or else you’ll get detention!” he ordered.
      Vegeta thought better of screaming bloody murder.  He went back to his seat.
      “Another thing to note about the Saiyans is that they never learn to read English,” Mr. Wilson went on.  “They’re too busy building their power level.  That’s why Vegeta has joined us today.  We won’t have to worry about the Saiyans turning into giant beasts because they’re extinct.  Vegeta is the last of the Saiyans.  And seeing that he has no tail, he can’t transform.  Isn’t that right, Vegeta?”
      “Yes, Mr. Wilson,” Vegeta said with a grin.
      Mr. Wilson continued his lecture, and Vegeta stopped listening.  He wrote a little note and passed it to a boy.
      “Psst, hand this to that little slug boy over there.”
      The boy passed it to Dende, who read it to himself.
      “Dende, thirty-five hours until you die!  Signed, Vegeta.”
      “AAH!”  Trembling, Dende crumpled the note and threw it to the floor.
      “Is there a problem, Dende?” Mr. Wilson asked.  “Let’s try to keep our spit wads to ourselves, okay?”
      He picked up the paper, opened it up and read it.
      “I see.....” he said.  “Children, although Vegeta can’t read English, he has written this here note in Namekian.  Fortunately, I happen to be a very fluent Namekian language reader.”
      “What does it say?” one girl asked.
      “It says, ‘Dende, thirty-five hours until you die!  Signed, Vegeta.”  Mr. Wilson looked down at Vegeta.  “Vegeta, we don’t tolerate violence on school grounds.”
      “Oh, I wasn’t planning to get violent on school grounds, Mr. Wilson,” Vegeta said in a sickeningly sweet voice.
      “You see, Dende; there’s nothing to worry about,” Mr. Wilson said.  “So let’s get back to our lesson.....”
      Dende looked up, still trembling.  “AAH!”

***

      At lunchtime, the Spice kids sat together at the table.
      “Vegeta, why are you going to school?” Hallie asked.
      “Because......because I never learned to read English,” Vegeta said.
      “The note he passed me was written in Namekian,” Dende added.
      “I’m not sure if Mr. Wilson teaches reading,” Chiaotzu said.  “He certainly doesn’t teach math, which had me really disappointed.”
      “Maybe we should ask the other kids,” Rachel suggested.
      “I’ll go ask Rebecca!” Dende said, jumping out of his seat.  He tapped Rebecca’s shoulder.
      “Oh, hi Benny!” she said cheerfully.
      “Does Mr. Wilson teach reading?” Dende asked.
      “What?  Your teeth are bleeding?  Does it hurt?”
      “No, my teeth aren’t bleeding!  I was asking if Mr. Wilson teaches reading!  What’s wrong with you!?”
      Rebecca saw the serious look on Dende’s face.  She pointed to her ear to reveal a hearing aid.
      “I’m sorry.  It’s just that I have a bit of a hearing problem,” she confessed.
      “Oh, okay.”  Dende sighed and walked back to his own table.  “Rebecca’s deaf.”
      He picked up a ketchup bottle and slammed his palm on the end to get the ketchup out.  However, the bottle slipped out of his hands and shattered on the floor.
      “What the.....?” he gasped.  The ketchup on the floor displayed a message.
      “THIRTY-FOUR AND A HALF HOURS UNTIL YOU DIE!”
      “AAAAAHHHH!!” Dende screamed.
      “Hey, cool it, kid,” the janitor said.  “I’ve got the mop.”

***

      The rest of the school day was no different than the morning.  When the kids went home, Dende met Pico at the Simudeck.
      “I’m ready to continue my training, Mr. Pico,” he said.
      “Oh good,” Pico replied.  “And never mind the ‘mister’ stuff.  Just plain Pico will do.”
      “What do I do now?” Dende asked.
      “First, we’ll find a more suitable location.”
      So Pico teleported himself and Dende out of the ship.  Suddenly, they found themselves in a deserted street.
      “Whoa!  Where are we?” Dende asked.
      “This is my home planet,” Pico replied.  “The biggest anarchy in the universe.  By coming here, you’ll learn everything you need to know about survival......that is, if you survive.”
      “What’s it called?”
      “It doesn’t have a name.  It’s far too bloody to be named.  This is as close as you can get to hell without dying.”
      Dende trembled even more.  “Phew, it sure is hot down here.”
      Pico took a fighting stance.  “Come, Dende.  Attack me.”
      Still trembling, Dende rushed at the alien turtle with a screeching yell.  He attacked Pico with a flurry of punches and kicks, using every move that Pico had taught him so far.  Pico either dodged or blocked Dende’s attacks, but he didn’t bother to fight back.
      “All right!” he called after a while.  “Let’s work on your defense.  I’ll attack, and you do the blocking.”  He resumed his fighting stance.  “Okay, when you’re ready.”
      Dende assumed a shaky defensive stance.  “Ready!”
      Pico attacked with his own moves, and Dende scrambled to block and dodge them.  Occasionally, Pico got a good punch or kick in.  He hit Dende’s stomach with an uppercut, sending him to the ground.
      Pico looked down at the Namekian child and stepped back.  “You’re slacking, Dende.”
      Dende looked up, still trembling, a tear trickling from both eyes.  “This is hard!” he whined.  “You’re so much better than I am!”
      “If you give up, then you lose strength in your emotions,” Pico said.  “If you get knocked down, you have to get up again.  Let nothing keep you down.  When you’re knocked down, you are not defeated unless you give up.  So, do you want to continue training?”
      Dende stood up.  “You bet!”
      Pico smiled.  “That’s more like it.  Now tell me this: Do you think you can defeat me?”
      “Uh....I’ll try.”
      “I can’t accept that.  By trying, you’re allowing yourself to be defeated.
      “That’s right!” a new voice called.  “You will be defeated!”
      “AAAH!!” Dende shrieked.
      Pico spun around.  “Oh, it’s you.  What are you up to?”
      There was an alien turtle from Pico’s race.  He wore a yellow-green vest and a white headband.
      “Killing you will make me a legend,” he continued.  “I have a name, too, Pico.  The turtle men gave it to me long ago.  I am Angus!”
      “You know.....Angus......it seems that you’re always getting in my way,” Pico growled.  “I assure you, that is about to change!”
      “Draw, you varmint!” Angus shouted.
      Screaming, Dende ran out of the road.  Pico kept his eyes fixed on Angus.
      “What are you doing?” Pico asked.  “This isn’t the wild west!”
      “That’s exactly why you’re going to lose the showdown.”
      Both turtles stood perfectly still, their hands hovering over their guns.  The streets were completely silent except for the wind that blew papers down the road.  Dende hid inside a garbage can, peeking over the edge.
      Without warning, both turtles drew and fired.  Dende grew horrified when he saw Pico hit the ground and Angus remain standing.
      “AAAAHHH!”  Dende leaped out of the trash can and rushed over to his teacher.  The thought that he would die next didn’t even cross his mind.  “No!  Pico!!”
      He stopped when he got a closer look.  Although Pico was on his back, his head was raised, and he still aimed his gun at Angus.  Dende looked for a gunshot wound, but there was none to be found.
      “I’m fine,” Pico said flatly.
      Dende got confused.  He looked over at Angus, who was still standing.  Angus had a blank facial expression, his eyes were open wide.  He still held his pistol out loosely.  Then Dende noticed the gunshot wound on the center of his forehead.  Pico had won the showdown!  The pistol dropped from Angus’ hand, and his body collapsed lifelessly.  Pico sat up with a sigh.
      “Well, that takes care of him.”  He blew the smoke from the tip and licked it.  “Mmm....I love the taste of gunpowder in the evening.”
      “What happened?” Dende asked.  “How did you......but I thought....”
      “You don’t get to be a good assassin without learning a few tricks,” Pico told him.  “Now, shall we continue training?”
      “Yeah!” Dende cried excitedly.
      “But we’ll have to find another spot,” Pico said.  “The gunfire may have alerted some other thugs.  Let’s go.”
      Before they could move, Vegeta flew across the sky, calling out to Dende.
      “Hey Dende!  Twenty-nine hours and seventeen minutes until you die!”
      Aggravated, Pico aimed his pistol at the Saiyan and fired.  The bullet struck Vegeta’s hip, and he flew down to the ground, crashing in a distant alley.  Pico flew away the smoke from the pistol tip.
      “Wow, great shot!” Dende said, still trembling.
      Pico looked down at him.  “What was that all about?  Is there something going on that I should know about?”
      “Well, Hallie sort of scheduled for me to fight Skitter tomorrow evening,” Dende said.  “What is Skitter like?”
      “He’s the weakest of Black Shadow’s minions,” Pico said.  “He starts out small, but he can grow and build his power, just like Frieza.  Fortunately, Skitter is nowhere near as powerful.  He’ll be a perfect match for a beginner like yourself.  Now, we should go.....”
      Suddenly, a gunshot tore into the road right beside Pico’s foot.
      “Before we get ambushed!”  Having finished his sentence, the alien turtle took off running.
      “Hey Pico, wait for me!” Dende cried, rushing to catch up with his mentor.
      Pico couldn’t bear to slow down for his student.  As long as he couldn’t see his pursuers, he couldn’t even fight back.  Fortunately, Dende managed to catch up with Pico by flying five feet from the ground.  Pico’s journey to safety ended abruptly when a bullet struck his left thigh.  He let out a scream of frustration as he tripped and fell on his stomach.  Dende landed beside him.
      “Pico, are you all right!?” he gasped.  “Speak to me!”
      Pico barely moved.  He trembled as he groaned softly, trying to suck up the pain.
      From out of nowhere, two more turtles flipped over them, landing in front of them.
      “All right, we got him!” one cried as he slapped hands with the other.
      “What do you mean ‘we’?” the second turtle asked.  “I’m the one who shot him!”
      “Don’t be silly; that was my bullet!” the first turtle cried.
      “AAH!”  Dende’s scream got their attention.  The turtles turned to the Namekian child.
      “Hey, what’s this?” the second turtle asked.  “A little kid?”
      “He’s definitely not from this planet,” the first one said.  “Nobody on this planet has antennas on their heads.”
      Thinking quickly, Dende took the pistol from Pico’s hand and aimed it at the turtles, holding it close to his chest.
      “Stay back!” he ordered shakily.
      The turtles just laughed.
      “Hey kid, do you know what you’re doing?” the second turtle asked.
      “Yeah, it’s not like you’re going to fire or anything,” the first one added.  “Look, all we want to do is kill Pico, and then we’re outta here.”
      “Why do you want Pico dead?” Dende asked.  “He’s done nothing wrong!”
      The second turtle snickered.  “Well, you need to do a little more research, kid.”
      “Did you know that Pico is a dirty assassin?” the first one asked.
      “I thought he retired!” the second one cried.
      “That’s what they say, but I don’t believe it.  He’s still the same bad-ass assassin he was back when he killed all the Poripoto soldiers.  You are aware of that, aren’t you, kid?”
      “Yeah, I knew that,” Dende said.  “Pico was just teaching me how to fight.”
      “Really?” the first turtle asked.  “Let’s see how well he’s taught you.”
      The turtles began to advance on Dende.  The Namekian child squeezed the pistol until he accidentally fired.  Although the show missed both of them, the loud boom startled them.  Dende was also startled; he dropped the pistol and fell down.
      “Take it easy, kid!” the first turtle said.  “You could hurt someone with that thing.”
      He stepped next to Pico and kicked him onto his back.  Pico’s eyes widened as the first turtle aimed the gun at his forehead.
      “Once I kill you, I can die a happy turtle,” he said.
      “Pico!!” Dende screamed.
      “Shut up, kid!” the second turtle ordered, grabbing Dende and tossing him into the wall.
      “Dende!” Pico cried.
      “How sweet,” the first turtle cooed.  “Since when did you actually care about anyone?”
      “I may be a bad-ass assassin, but even I have more sense than to harm an innocent child,” Pico told them.
      “Well, no matter,” the first turtle said.  “Finally, the greatest assassin ever has met his end.”
      “Wrong.”  Pico grabbed the turtle’s wrist, then swung his leg around, hooking it around him.  Then Pico pulled the turtle aside and to the ground as he stood up.  Still holding the turtle’s wrist, Pico wrenched the gun from him and shot him in the forehead.  Pico looked up at the second turtle and aimed the gun at him.  The second turtle began to back off.
      “Look, Pico, I always respected you as a Poripoto soldier,” he stammered.
      Pico released the first turtle’s wrist and began to advance on the second turtle, trying to keep his aim still as he limped on his wounded leg.
      “After all.....” the second turtle continued.  “We’re pals!”
      He reached back into his holster, but Pico shot him before he could grab his gun.  Once the turtle hit the ground, Pico slumped over, propping his hands on his knees, breathing heavily.
      “Dende......” he gasped.  “Dende!”
      “Here I am!” Dende called as he emerged.  “I’m okay.  How about you?”
      “I’ve been better,” Pico said.  “But I’ll survive.”
      “This is terrible!” Dende whined.  “You could have been killed!”
      “It was all worth it if you learned something.”
      “Yeah!  I learned that you are one bad-ass assassin!”
      Pico rolled his eyes, then a jolt of pain shot through his leg.  “Ow!!”  He tried to cover the wound with his hand, but the blue blood kept pouring out from it.
      “Are you okay, Pico?” Dende asked.  “Does it hurt?”
      “Does it hurt!?”  Pico sounded insulted.  “A piece of lead with a sharp tip tears into my leg, and you’re asking me if it hurts!?”
      He moseyed around the corner and sat down.  Dende stood over him.
      “Here, I can heal it for you,” he said.
      “Hold on,” Pico said.  “It doesn’t help to heal me when there’s a bullet stuck in me.”
      “So, what’re you gonna do?”
      “I’m gonna get it out, that’s what.”
      Pico began to dig into his thigh with his fingertips.  Groaning softly as his fingers swirled around his flesh, blue blood oozed from his wound.  Finally, he pulled the bullet out of his leg.
      “Ow.....that hurt,” he groaned.
      He tossed the bullet into the air and fired another gunshot at it.  Dende heard a faint clang and saw a small spark in the sky, as the shot struck the old bullet.
      “Wow, great,” he muttered in astonishment.
      “Okay, go for it, kid,” Pico said.
      Dende placed a hand on Pico’s wound and released his energy, healing it.  “Now what do we do?”
      “We go home, that’s what we do.  I’ve had enough assassin stuff for one day.  I’m trying to cut down.”
      So Pico took Dende and teleported back to the ship.

***

      The next day, the Spice kids were hoping to learn something interesting.  When they first arrived at school, it looked like their wish would come true.  Mr. Wilson wrote the word “chair” on the board.
      “Okay, Vegeta, see if you can read this word.”
      Vegeta looked carefully at the word.  Since he couldn’t understand the English alphabet, he couldn’t even sound out the word.
      “Let’s see....half-circle.....twisted wishbone....circle with a tail.....line with a dot.....and a dull hook.....”
      The kids stared at him.  A few of them giggled.  Vegeta slammed his head on his desk.
      “How could I be so stupid!?” he groaned.
      “Don’t feel bad, Vegeta,” Mr. Wilson said.  “Nobody gets it right on the first try.  Just think about it for a while, and I’ll ask you again later.  Now Chiaotzu, I’m going to give you a set of numbers in a pattern.  Your assignment is to give me the next number in that pattern.  Ready?”
      “Ready,” Chiaotzu replied timidly.
      “Three.....six.....nine!”
      “Ten?  Five?  A million?”
      “Well, which is it?” Mr. Wilson asked.  “Is it ten, five, or a million?”
      “Eleven,” Chiaotzu spat.  “Twenty?”
      Mr. Wilson sighed.  “See why I don’t teach math in here, Chiaotzu?  Nobody understands it.  And if you think math is tough, wait’ll you get to Algebra and beyond.  Eww.....”
      Unfortunately, the kids didn’t learn anything valuable that day either....
 
***

      When school was finally out for the day, Dende reported to Pico for his self-defense training.  The fight with Skitter was to be tonight, and Dende didn’t feel ready at all.
      “Oh, I see you’re here for more training,” Pico said.
      “Of course!  The fight is tonight, and I need as much training as possible,” Dende replied.
      Pico chuckled.  “Then come on.  We’ll train at Arturus this time, where it’s more peaceful.”
      So the pair teleported down to the colony to train some more.
      “What are we doing next??” Dende asked eagerly.
      “Well, there’s more to doing battle than punches and kicks,” Pico replied.  “There’s also maneuvering, or moving back and forth to avoid your enemies’ attacks or crossing them up.  And every once in a while, we’re forced to flee.  In order to do that, your heart must be toughened up.”
      “How do we toughen our hearts?” Dende asked.
      “We do it through exercise.  When we work hard, our brains use up more oxygen, forcing the heart to pump harder and faster.  Without a strong heart, you’ll tire easily.  However, as you continue to work, it’ll become stronger and be able to pump more blood to the rest of your body in a single pump.  So, Dende, how strong is your heart?”
      “I don’t know.”
      “Do you exercise often?”
      “Not really.”
      “Then you will need some work,” Pico said.  “Here’s what we’ll do: I’m going to start running, and I want you to follow me and do whatever I do.  Understand?”
      “Yes,” Dende said.
      Pico knelt down on the ground.  “Ready?  Go!!”
      He started running down the street with Dende puffing behind him.  First Pico hopped onto a car, rolling across the roof, landing on his feet.  When Dende copied the move, he almost tripped upon landing.  Pico came up to a line of trash cans.  He  hopped on top of every one.  Dende did the same, although one of the cans fell over.  Then Pico leaped up towards the top of a lamppost, then grabbed it, swinging over it.  He released it, then landed skillfully on his feet once again.  Dende copied the move, and landed on his feet.  He was beginning to get tired.
      Pico reached the edge of the city dome and ran through the dome hallway, leading to the forest dome of Arturus.  Dende followed.  When Pico reached the forests, he zigzagged back and forth through the trees.  Dende’s speed was decreasing as he gasped for breath.  Finally, Pico leaped onto a slope, sliding down on his feet.  The slope led to a lake; Pico surfed across on his feet and hopped ashore.  Dende ended up rolling down the slope, then surfed across the lake on his feet as well.  Then he tripped over the shore, landing face-first in the mud.  Pico began laughing.  However, it wasn’t the sinister or ridiculing laugh that Dende had expected.  It was more of a laugh of amusement.
      Pico lifted Dende from the mud.  “Had enough?”
      “Yes, I’ve had quite enough,” Dende gasped.
      “Think you’re ready for your battle this evening?”
      “Well, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.  I just need to rest awhile.”
      “All right then.  I hope you won’t disappoint me.”
      The green pair teleported back to the ship.

***

      Finally, the fight night arrived.  The Spices teleported down to Arturus to wait for Dende’s opponent.
      “Remember, Dende,” Pico said.  “Just stay focused, and believe in yourself.  And stop trembling!”
      Dende looked down.  “I can’t help it!” he whined.
      “I guess Pico was right about all that coffee, huh?” Ruth asked.
      At that moment, Black Shadow and his minions appeared.  Black Shadow also came to watch the fight.  Surely it would cheer him up.
      “So, you decided to come,” Skitter said to Dende.  “Big mistake.”
      “Dende.....” Vegeta whispered.  “Only a few minutes until you die.”
      “Oh shut up,” Pico grumbled.  “Don’t listen to him, Dende.  He’s just trying to psyche you out.”
      “Black Shadow, you’re here to watch the fight, too, huh?” Jenny asked.
      “That’s right,” Black Shadow responded.  “Jenny, I couldn’t help noticing that you’re bringing more and more children into the war.”
      “Maybe,” Jenny admitted.  “I think that children can fight as well as adults.”
      Pico and Dende stepped forward.  Skitter moved out in front of the demonic pack.  The two fighters stood in the center of the circle.  The Spices waited behind Dende while Black Shadow and his goons stood behind Skitter.  Pico stood between the two fighters.
      “Remember what you’ve learned, Dende,” he said.  “This is where you gotta be bad.  This is where you gotta be mean.”
      Dende was still trembling uncontrollably as he stared at Skitter.  “Ahh!  Bad!  Mean!  Ahh!”
      “Ready, Dende?” Pico asked.
      “Uh.....uh-huh....” Dende replied timidly.
      “Ready, Skitter?”
      “Yeah!”
      Pico held a fist between them.  “Let’s get it on!”  The alien turtle stepped aside and joined the other Spices.  Dende and Skitter took a fighting pose.  The audience began to cheer mildly.
      “Come on, greenie,” Skitter teased.  “Show me what you’ve got.”
      He lashed his claws out at Dende, who ducked under them.  Skitter paused for a moment.  Dende stared up at him, trembling.
      “Dende, attack!” Pico ordered.
      Dende looked down at his own claws.  When he did, Skitter snap kicked him in the stomach.  Dende fell down on his back.
      “What’s the matter, Pico?” Vegeta asked.  “Didn’t you teach him anything?”
      “Oh shut up,” Pico growled.  “Dende will get this guy.”
      Dende stood up and glared at Skitter.  He was beginning to feel a little rage, something that he doesn’t feel often, if ever.  Displaying his claws, he lashed them out at Skitter.  The little monster just hopped back to avoid them.  He managed to throw a punch, connecting with Dende’s face.  Dende gasped as a little blood trickled from his mouth.  He returned the punch to Skitter’s face.
      “There you go!” Hallie cried.  “Get him, Dende!”
      Angered, Skitter dove at Dende, who leaped over him.  Dende then leaped onto Skitter’s back, wrapping an arm around his neck.  Skitter stood up, but the Namek child held on.  Dende gave Skitter several uppercuts to the lower back.  Finally, Skitter reached back, grabbed Dende, and threw him to the ground.  Then he attempted a stomp attack.  Dende screamed and rolled out of the way.
      “Go, Dende!” the twins cried.  “You can beat him!”
      Dende attempted another punch, but Skitter grabbed his wrist and twisted his arm, making a cracking sound.  Dende staggered back towards Pico, holding his stiff arm.  The alien turtle grabbed his shoulder.
      “Is something wrong?” Pico asked.
      “Ow.....my arm.....” Dende groaned.
      Still holding Dende’s shoulder, Pico took his wrist and gave it a hard jerk.  Dende screamed in pain, then stopped.  His arm was mobile again.
      “Wow.....thanks, Pico,” he said.
      “Don’t thank me,” Pico replied.  “Just get in there and kick Skitter’s ass.”
      “Hey, Dende!” Hallie called.  “Skitter just said that Guru was an old rotten pickle!”
      Dende gasped and glared at Skitter.
      “You liars!” Skitter shouted.  “I did not say that!”
      With a fierce cry, Dende dove directly at Skitter.  The Namek child used the claws on his fingers to scratch Skitter’s face.  Then he leaped up to a lamppost and grabbed it.  Swinging over it once, he let go, diving at Skitter, kicking him solidly in the chest, knocking him down.
      Black Shadow stroked his chin.  “Either Dende is a fast learner, or Pico is a quick teacher.”
      Dende landed from his attack, still glaring at his opponent.  He was still trembling.
      Skitter sprang to his feet, only seconds away from a rampage.  “This is insane!  I will not be beaten by a mere child!!”
      He crouched down and planted both fists on the ground.  “Prepare to meet your maker!!”
      Dende gasped, suddenly filled with fear.  Still trembling, he awaited Skitter’s angry blow.
      Skitter charged towards the young Namek.  With a brief shriek, Dende grabbed his head with both hands.  Then involuntarily, he shot out a fist, striking Skitter in the stomach, stopping him dead in his tracks.  The Spices gasped.  Skitter froze, his eyes wide.  Dende, on the other hand, wasn’t even aware.  He stood, with one arm over his eyes, his other fist still jammed into Skitter’s stomach.  Finally, the Namekian child looked up to see his own attack.
      “Whoa.....”  Dende pulled his fist back.  Skitter still didn’t move.  Then a moment later, Skitter slumped forward, hitting the ground.
      “Nice blow, kid,” Pico said.
      Black Shadow just smiled.  “That was quite entertaining.  Pico, you’ve taught the young one well.”
      “Why thank you,” Pico said.  “I am the best, aren’t I?”
      Black Shadow walked over and picked up Skitter.  “Well, Skitter, let’s get the hell out of here.”
      He disappeared in a crack of purple lightning.
      “I.....beat him?” Dende asked.
      “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Hallie said.
      “I don’t know.....I was just so scared.”
      Pico put a hand on Dende’s shoulder.  “Come on, let’s all get back to the ship.  Then you and I will have a little talk.”
      The Spices pressed on their rings and teleported away.

***

      “So, what did you want to talk about, Pico?” Dende asked.
      “About the fight, of course,” Pico told him.  “You did well, I must admit.  But you still have much to learn.”
      “What do you mean?”
      “That final blow was a stroke of luck.  It takes much more than luck to survive.  It takes skill, wits, and smarts.  You can’t just rely on luck, because not everyone is lucky all the time.”
      “Oh, I see,” Dende sighed.
      “Skitter was a fool anyway.  He was a good challenge for you,” Pico continued.  “Now you must prepare for bigger challenges.  If you keep training with me, you’ll become a formidable warrior soon enough.  It won’t be easy, but if you put your mind to it, it can be accomplished.  Are you with me?”
      He extended his hand towards the Namek child.  Dende’s eyes lit up.
      “Yeah!” he cried, taking Pico’s hand.
      Pico smiled.  “Looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
      “Friendship?  You mean we’re friends?”
      “Sure, why not?”

***

      So Dende has overcome his first challenge.  His mission with the Spices has just begun.  Dende will grow in heart, spirit, and strength....with Pico’s help, of course.