she's
actual
size

One of the driver's wives called the office today.

"Oh, please help me," she whimpered into the phone. "I was just there to drop something off into Greg's truck, and I think our dog jumped out of the car. I just got home and I can't find her anywhere! Do you think you could see if she's outside?"

Wondering to myself how you could accidentally forget your dog, I asked for a description of the animal. "Oh, she's black and brindle, with some white on the top of her head. She's pretty small... She's a Chihuahua."

Oh. A Chihuahua.

I'm a dog person, but I'm a large dog person. I can't stand little yippy dogs. Anything basset hound size and smaller is too small for me.

I grew up next to a pen of large dogs. Our neighbors had two Alaskan Malamutes, and later bred one of their dogs with a Husky and kept a few of the puppies. I'm used to large dogs. I'm more confident with large dogs. I like dogs that you can roughhouse with... Dogs that are strong enough to make it fell like there's something on the other end of the leash... Dogs that could protect me from an assailant if need be.

Don't get me wrong... I think small dogs are ok. They aren't for me, though. I'm always afraid that I'm going to step on them and horribly maim them. And I hate the little yippy ones, the ones who think they have something to prove, and they're going to prove it by barking as loud and as incessantly as possible.

Of all the small dogs, Chihuahuas are the worst of them all.

I hated those Taco Bell commercials with that rodential canine. Chihuahuas are irritatingly ugly, with their huge ears, their bugged-out eyes, and their whip-like tails. They creep me out. Totally.

So when I went outside to look for the dog, I didn't look very hard. But the dog was hiding under Greg's truck. She kept scampering around between the tires, and I couldn't even get a good look at her, let alone catch her. When I did coax the little thing out from under the truck for a second, I realized that this wasn't just a Chihuahua Ratdog from Hell... It was a Chihuahua Ratdog from Hell puppy.

With a little help from another driver, I managed to catch the little thing. I scooped her up into my arms, and she started trembling.

She shook like she was freezing, or scared to death, or ... just quivery. I carried the shaking dog into the office trailer, and she sat on my lap for almost half an hour, until Greg's wife could pick her up.

After a while, the dog settled down and curled up into my lap. She still shook, but she was calm, and soft, and didn't pee on me. She was almost cute. Almost.

I was somewhat sad to see her go. Not that I've changed my mind about Chihuahuas. I still think they're evil little yippy dogs. But that particular evil little yippy dog isn't so bad. I guess.