she's
actual
size

The design for the new website is coming right along. I've tested and rejected about a million different graphics, layouts, fonts, and bells-n-whistles. Remember when I said you'd probably see something by the end of the week? (In other words, today.)

I lied.

But hopefully it'll be worth the wait.

I wish I could be more focused. I have so many things that I want to do, and never seem to have enough time to do them. Each time I find something really fun to do, I start working on it... And I'm distracted by Something Else. I start working on the Something Else, get distracted...

You get the idea.

Even my fantasies are like that: traipsing nicely along towards an inevitable conclusion but arrested before the climax by a distraction.

I live in a rich fantasy world. I can tell the difference between the real world and my magical fantasyland, so I'm not delusional or anything. But whenever I'm bored or stressed, you're likely to catch me staring off into space. My body is there but I'm far, far away.

It really started when I was a young teenager. I wasn't terribly popular, and I was the "weird" one in my circle of friends. They liked me, but... I was strange. So I didn't get invited to many parties, and I almost never hung out with my friends.

I had a paper route that took about an hour and a half to walk. Later that route would be expanded to almost two hours. It was boring. Walk up to house. Put paper in mailbox/paperbox/screendoor. Walk to next house. There was no one to talk to. There was nothing to look at except the sidewalk and the lawns. There was nothing to think about, either, so I came up with things to think about.

When I look back at my favorite scenarios, it's obvious that I was a lonely kid. I never had a boyfriend until college, so in high school I was extremely curious about dating and kissing and sex. Most of the fantasies followed a similar pattern, just variations on a theme.

First of all, there would be a guy. It was almost always my current crush, but was sometimes a musician or actor. The guy would be dating me, of course. And somehow, we'd end up having sex.

Being rather naïve, however, it was a long time before I visualized sex the way it actually happens. The first time I imagined it, I only knew the basics: that the man's penis got hard, and he stuck it in the woman's vagina. That first fantasy was very confused. I couldn't understand how a "hangy-downy" part like a penis could twist around to stick into a woman's vagina while the people were on top of each other. So I figured that the man and woman were on top of each other for the "foreplay" part, but had to get rearranged for the actual sex part.

Since I knew that the penis hung down, the guy had to aim his penis at the vagina to get it in there, right? Which meant that the man and woman had to lie on their backs, knees bent, with just their butts and lower legs touching. That way, the hangy-downy part could slide right into the vagina, and the man and woman would just wait for... Well, whatever happened.

When I learned how sex actually happens (in all it's wonderful shades and positions), it was quite an eye-opener. My fantasies modified themselves accordingly, although I had a hard time understanding how the woman could breathe with the guy on top of her like that.

The settings and plots were rather diverse. From a desert island to an uptown metropolitan area, from the weyrs of Pern to the bridge of the Enterprise, I lived a multitude of lives with a multitude of men. Each time a fantasy became dull, after I'd exhausted all the possibilities it presented, it would fade and be replaced by another.

Nowadays, my fantasies revolve around just one man. I don't have nearly as much time to stare off into space as I used to, which is one reason I want to go for more walks. (Lots of alone time.) I've also realized that I'm recycling old fantasies. Is it too hard for me to come up with new ones? I'm not sure, but these new scenarios are just as absorbing as they were the first time around, now that I have Dave for company.

And now, if you'll excuse me... Dave and I are needed by the Interstellar Alliance to courier some badly needed medical supplies to the Gandab system. Our ship, the Obsidian Butterfly, is the fastest one available. It'll still be a two-day trip in hyperspace, though, so there's be plenty of time for nookie...