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There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to finally buck up the courage, walk into a store, and buy tampons. Then (hopefully) a while later, she has to screw up that courage all over again to buy condoms.

Now, I understand that most cashiers don't give a damn what you're buying. However, I've seen cashiers comment on purchases, especially when it's obvious what a combination of items is for. Sunscreen, pop, sunglasses and cheap flip-flops: going to the beach. Video, card and gift bag: birthday party. Beer, galoshes, a flashlight and batteries: cow tipping. My sister once purchased six chocolate bars, an economy-size box of tampons, a bottle of Midol, and a carton of cigarettes. Obviously she was having one of those days. grin

And I've seen cashiers raise an eyebrow at strange item combinations. For example, a (male) friend of mine once bought a leather belt, film, nail polish, nail polish remover, panty hose, a case of beer, and a bicycle pump. There was a perfectly good explanation for everything he was buying, but the cashier looked at his purchases, winked at him and said, "Fun night planned?"

My friend was rather shocked. "What did she think I was going to do with all that?" he asked. "Wait, wait. I'm not sure I want to know."

Anyway, today I went to Wal-Mart to buy condoms and film. I grabbed a hand basket and started hunting around.

The local Wal-Mart baffles me to hell, and I always forget where things are. I know that the video and music stuff is in the middle of the store, but I can never remember where anything else is in relation to that. So I just started walking around the perimeter of the store, looking for the health stuff section.

While making my rounds, I found something I had to have. This happens to me a lot at this store, but this was something I really needed! It's my favorite Pokemon!!!

It's this huge stuffed animal, probably about three feet high. I saw a bin full of Pokemon plushies, and just out of curiosity I gave it a look. Lo and behold, I find a Dragonite. Yay! He's so squishy and huggable. He's most definitely going with me to Anthrocon.

Speaking of Anthrocon, I needed condoms.

Back to the hunt, only now I had a very large stuffed animal peeking out of my hand basket. He took up most of the room in there, but I thought he looked so cute I couldn't resist. I stopped to pick up film...

And noticed all sorts of people looking at me in amusement. Oh no! I thought. How could they know I'm buying condoms?

Well, they didn't know that, obviously. That was just my paranoia (everone's looking at you). They were just looking at the very cute stuffed animal peeking out of my basket. Children stopped and watched me walk by. Adults smiled at me and at Dragonite.

Then I found the condoms.

Why on earth do they make so many different kinds of condoms? Ribbed, lubricated, spermicidal, magnum, extra sensitive, dual pleasure... I must have stood there for ten minutes staring at the condoms trying to decide - while standing next to a conspicuously large stuffed animal.

I couldn't take the looks I was getting anymore. I grabbed a box and left went up to the checkout.

I hadn't considered the combination of items I put onto the conveyor until they were all laid out in front of me, and I noticed the little old lady behind me staring at my stuff. Her eyes passed over the four bottles of Gatorade I had picked up for the drive. She looked at the large stuffed animal and smiled. Her smile froze on her face when she came to the condoms, and her eyes widened when she ended on the four-pack of film. Her eyes flicked back to the stuffed animal, returned to the film, and landed on the condoms.

The look on her face was indescribable. Of course, she may have been suppressing a gas attack, but I doubt it.

The cashier, to her credit, scanned the condoms first, getting them out of view. After paying, I smiled at the old lady behind me. She gave me a tentative smile before lowering her eyes to the floor.

What did she think I was going to do with all that? Wait, wait. I'm not sure I want to know.

On the Road Again

Well, this will be the last you'll see of me until at least July 5. I'll still be here tomorrow, but I'll be going insane. I was planning on doing an entry tomorrow. However, it would be lame, and I still have lots of stuff to do.

Go check out the Anthrocon website. Click on Schedule and you can see what I'll be doing this weekend. When I come back I'll have pictures and stories to tell. Just you wait!

See you then!

bounce bounce