she's
actual
size

Tonight when I got home from work, I saw my neighbors sitting outside drinking. In the interests of being sociable, I walked over and helped myself to some of their beer. (Hey, they said they needed help drinking it all!)

It was a beautiful night, just slightly cloudy with a hint of a breeze coming through the trees. Nothing like it was last night. In fact, the cold front that brought us those storms cooled us down quite a bit. Last night it was almost 90 degrees when I got home (yes, after the storm!) It was so hot I ended up getting a headache, and when I woke up this morning I still had it. Ick. Tonight the temperature was in the low 70s and wasn't nearly as humid. This is weather I could get used to.

Of course, this meant it was also a perfect night for mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes love me. My blood must taste like prime rib to them. Whenever I'm out, any mosquito within a mile radius will sense me on their radar and zoom right in. There have been times when, in a crowd of twenty or so people, I'm the only one getting bitten by mosquitoes.

My family used to joke that my dad would take me fishing just to keep the mosquitoes from eating him. I'm not sure if that's true, but it makes sense. I've watched mosquitoes start towards someone next to me, then veer off and land on me. Experts say that some people attract mosquitoes better than others; if so, I'm a fucking one thousand watt beacon for them.

Tonight, at least, I wasn't the only one getting bitten. Another resident who was with us kept slapping her legs as well, and finally begged off to get some bug spray. Turns out all that she had was Skin-So-Soft, which is supposed to be good for keeping mosquitoes away. We slathered it on, but the skeeters kept coming.

My complex is right next to a wetland, so we have lots of mosquitoes around. I think we supply most of the city with their mosquito rations. At one point, a spray truck drove by. I hate those things; they make the air taste bad. But at least they help keep the mosquitoes down. The bites ramped down for a while after the truck drove by. All too soon, however, the little pests came back with a vengeance.

Finally, after getting cozy with the citronella candle and continually slathering more lotion on my body, I begged off for the night.

I itch.

And I'm greasy from all that lotion.

Tomorrow night the neighbors are having a party, so I'll probably buy some real bug spray to wear. Otherwise I'll end up as a bloodless husk.

Then again, I could stand to lose some weight.