she's
actual
size

Now, this is rather embarrassing. I seem to have broken my toilet seat - by sitting on it.

There is a fracture that runs all the way through the seat on the left side. See, there I was, sitting on it and doing my business, when I heard a crack. I didn't think anything about it; I thought it was the radio antenna thwapping the wall behind me.

But the next time I came into the bathroom, I saw a dark crack (no jokes about my butt, please) running along the seat. I realized what happened, and - in the privacy of my bathroom - started blushing.

I'm not the reincarnation of Twiggy by any means, but I'm hardly a behemoth. So it surprised me that the seat would have cracked so easily. Then again, who knows how old the damn thing is.

Yesterday I told the Maintenance Manager at work about what happened. (He and his fiancé live in the same complex as I do.) The Maintenance Manager is a Very Large Man. "Yeah, I've broken a few myself," he said. "It's kind of embarrassing."

"Tell me about it," I said, sympathizing. "So, did the rental office charge you for fixing it?"

He said that they didn't even tell the office. They just went and got a new seat on their own. That's probably the best thing for me to do, since the office will most likely charge me for the seat and some extraordinary amount of money for labor. Meanwhile, I put a piece of duct tape around the crack so I don't pinch myself when I use it.

owch

There are a few other things in my apartment that aren't exactly up to code. The bathtub takes a year and a day to drain after I've had a shower. It's not too bad most of the time, since I can shower and let it drain for the rest of the day and that night before I have to use it again. But when Dave is down, one of us always gets stuck standing shin-deep in tepid water while we shower.

Also, my bedroom door is cracked on the inside. Two summers ago, my bedroom got so hot one day that the inside of the door expanded more than the outside of the door... And the inside of the door cracked under the pressure.

But I'm not about to call the office with any of these things because they'll probably charge me, and I don't want icky smelly guys wandering around in my apartment.