05 03 00

water

I have had something gnawing at me, spiritually.

While my beliefs are not set in stone, I do hold them rather firmly. I have come by my beliefs through many hours of thought and soul searching. Questions are usually meditated on for a brief time before a decision is made; the resulting answer is added to my spiritual stew.

This... whatever that has been bothering me... It has something to do with water. Bodies of water, such as rivers or lakes or oceans, move me deeply. Something about all that liquid gathered into one place strikes a chord in me. Songs about water - rivers especially - affect me in ways I can't begin to describe. "Pain Lies on the Riverside" (Live). "River of Dreams (Billy Joel). "Rain" (Rusted Root). I listen to them over and over and over, straining to hear over the chords and the lyrics, trying to detect whatever it is I think I'm looking for.

I walk down to the river, down to the waterfall. I stand below the falls, balancing myself on a mossy rock. I listen to the water falling, attempting to make out the meaning in the roar. I walk beside the lake or the stream and toss pebbles into the water, looking for symbols in the ripples.

I dream about water. Last night was the most vivid dream yet. I swam from the shore of a lake to an island in the middle. Halfway across I was pulled beneath the surface, and I sank like a stone. I was wrapped in water, unable to breathe... But I wasn't afraid.

On a whim I did a few Internet searches on the meaning of baptism. (I don't know if I was baptized or not as a child - I seem to remember it vaguely. I also remember my mother saying something about my grandmother insisting that my sister and I be baptized.) What I've found on the subject just hasn't appeased me. I want more. I have to go deeper than this.

The exact Christian meaning of baptism varies from denomination to denomination, but the underlying meaning is clear. It washes away your sins. However, I do not subscribe to the Christian idea of sin, nor do I have any desire to be baptized in the Christian meaning. It's not the act of going into the water that's gnawing at me. It's the meaning of the water itself. It's what the water has to say to me.

I just have to figure out how to hear the message.

Quit-o-meter

______ of the Day

Epinions