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04 25 00
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Is there anyway I'll be able to spare you my self-indulgent whining about how much I miss Dave? I survived the adieu pretty well. (The night prior was a different story... Tissue usage was up 98%.) Steeling my jaw, I managed to see him off with just a few sniffles and a tear here and there. I hate crying in public. I hugged him, I kissed him, and I promised him we'd see each other in two months. Two months. Two easy, quick months. They'll fly right by, no problem. I just have to keep telling myself that. I watched him board the plane, and I left. I didn't stay to watch him take-off, since the last time I did that I ended up feeling worse for sitting outside crying than I did before. Instead I walked back to my car, started the engine, and cried for a few minutes. I would much rather cry in my car than in public. And then it was back to work. It feels like I've been gone for years instead of two days. I feel drained. I feel like I've had all the emotion and feeling sucked right out of my body. I'm tired. But mostly I'm calm. We did some planning while he was down here. We looked at ceremony ideas and hashed out a basic, preliminary time-table for me moving up there. Check this out: I might be moving up there sooner than next March. Scary! I also learned a few good things while Dave was down here. He brought me some brochures about moving to Canada that he picked up at the airport. Mostly, I've been concerned with getting my Stuff up there - specifically, Dexter and Jaws. It turned out Jaws does not have to spend time in quarantine, provided I can get a vet to sign off on her. (I also might have to get her tattooed. Large catnip leaf on her bottom, whatcha think?) Ok, so Jaws doesn't really fall under the Stuff category. But to Customs she'll be a Stuff, so I have to think of her as Stuff for the time being. What else did I learn? I can still spend days on end with Dave and not get sick of him. We spent four solid days in each others' company and didn't kill each other. Granted... When I was putting the airbed away after he left, I was happy to be alone with my thoughts. But when we're married, we won't be together 24/7. The fact that I didn't get sick of him is a Good Thing. I've also found out that I snore. Fairly loudly, apparently.
I love you, dearly, with all my heart. I miss you. I think about you often. You're my light, my love, my life. I can't imagine living my days without the knowledge that you're out there, thinking about me. Each time I try to express how I feel for you, I discover that the words don't exist. When you say my name, when you say that you love me, too... I am happy.
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Quit-o-meter I have been Quit for: 2 Weeks 4 Days 20 Hours 52 Minutes 26 Seconds. I have NOT smoked 188 cigarettes, for a savings of $24.53. Life Saved: 15 Hours 40 Minutes.
______ of the Day Today's silly thing that made me cry was looking at the empty cup he used to drink his morning supplement. No, I'm not crying because it's dirty...
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