04 02 00

decision

I was all settled down to do an entry last night when a migrane struck. I figured it was from staring at the computer screen for hours, so I spent a while in front of the TV, trying to ignore the pain. My normal Exceddrin Migrane pills did nothing, and by 11:00pm the pain was so bad I felt sick to my stomach. I went to bed.

Oh well - I can just recap my major decision. I'm going to quit smoking.

For some people, the decision to quit arises because of something they saw or read or experienced. Someone close to them died of lung cancer, they read an article about the ravages of heart disease, or they watched a thirty-year old man struggle out to his car while lugging along an oxygen container.

But for me, there was no "moment of clarity," nothing that made me sit and say, "That's it! I quit!" I think it was just an accumulation of all the articles and specials and people I've seen. Something reached critical mass and I decided to quit.

I've tried to quit before, but obviously I haven't been very successful. I've made two "serious" efforts to quit. Once was while I was living in the basement dungeon apartment. That failed because I tried to do it just before finals. Duh. The second was while I was living with Psycho Girl. I learned that it is very difficult to quit smoking when someone you live with is still smoking. After a week or so I was back smoking again.

I'm going to do it right this time; I'm going to make it stick. I've been reading up on tips for quitting. I've identified my "triggers" and ways to distract myself. I've set a date: April 7th. I'm going to throw away my ashtray and all my lighters.

I've set up a reward system for myself. After one day, I'll treat myself to a nice, long hot soak in the tub. After one week, I'll buy myself a book (or a toy - I haven't decided which yet, although the new Beast Machines toys are out and Cheetor looks awesome!) And after one smoke-free month, I get to buy whatever anime video I want (err, find - the one I want, Pom Poko Tanuki is notoriously hard to get around here.)

I also signed up with an online support group called Quitnet. They send you emails with quitting tips. On their system, you can set your Quit Date, and it'll keep track of how long you've been quit. You can also enter in how many smoke a day you have and the average price you pay for a pack, and the system will tell you how much money you've saved and how many days of your life you've saved. (Assuming that one smoke takes off 7 minutes of your life or something.)

They also have lots of message boards. I read some of the posts there and I've realized I'm going to have it relatively easy. I don't need a smoke in the morning; in fact, smoking right after I've gotten up usually makes me sick. I don't smoke in my car, not even during a long drive. And I usually only smoke about one-third to one-half a pack a day.

The hard part, in fact, won't come until the evening. That's when I sit down in front of the computer.

I'd say that 99% of the smoking occurs while I'm parked in front of the monitor, talking to Dave or writing. It's something to do with my hands while waiting for pages to load. It's something to do when I'm sitting back in my chair, trying to think of the next thing to type.

I'll just have to find something else to do with my hands.

Wish me luck.

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