02 28 00

unanswered questions

I don't know what to do.

For days I've had this awful noise in my head. Nothing actually audible - it's just a drone of constant thoughts and an urge to do something. It might have something to do with the nice weather we've been having. It might have something to do with spring being just around the corner.

Then again, it might be that conversation I had with my folks on Friday.

When they took Dave to the airport last week, we were both expecting my parents to give him a royal grilling. Instead they made pleasant small talk. I should have know that they were saving the grilling for me.

On Friday they asked questions. Lots of questions. I was eating my food and they kept tossing these questions my way, one after the other, peppering me with requests for information.

The problem was that I didn't know the answers to most of them.

"How old are his siblings?"
"What do they do?"
"Where do they live?"
"Is he younger or older than most of them?"
"Did he go to college?"
"Did he finish?"
"What was he studying?"
"How long as he worked at his job?"
"How did he get the job?"
"What did he do before that?"
"What did his father do before he retired?"
"Describe his house."
"Are the windows in his house double- or triple-paned?"
"Does he have an attic?"
"How old is the house?"
"Is it in a good section of town?"
"Is there a lot of crime in his city?"
"Are there Native Americans there?"
"Are the Native people viewed as equals?"
"What does he think about the Native people?"
"What religion are his parents?"
"Are they going to have a problem with your religion?"
"What religion is he?"
"Are there lots of jobs in that area?"
"Isn't Canada in a recession right now?"
"What if you can't find a job?"
"Can't he just move down here?"

And on. And on. And on.

Some of the questions I could answer. After all, describing his house was easy.

But I drew a blank of most of them. I felt like I was taking an oral exam for which I hadn't studied. His siblings? His job? Important information.

Wait. Is it actually important? I mean, how much did my parents know about each other before they got married?

Does everyone have to know everything about the person they're going to marry? And if so... What will they talk about after they get married?

I managed to piece together a few answers from things he'd told me. But for far too many I had to say, "I don't know." I could have made something up, but I knew I'd pay for it later.

Why don't I know this stuff?

We talk almost every night for hours. But... What do we really talk about? Politics, our interests, silly little things that happened in our days... But nothing really concrete.

Later that night I asked Dave some of the questions that I remembered, and he dutifully answered them. It's not like he's hiding information from me. But why hadn't I asked these questions before? Plus, I don't want to send him a 2K list of biography questions for him to answer.

I know that I have very bad recall when it comes to names and numbers. (History class was torture.) And he's mentioned things about his siblings before. If he mentions a name, I'll ask, "Who is that again?" I just can't remember.

Dave is the most important person in my life right now. Period. Why don't I know the "basics" about him?

No. Scratch that. I know the basics. I just don't know the details.

I want this drone in my head to go away. This drone of questions and "what-ifs" and problems. I want my parents to stop pestering me with endless questions. I want Dave to be here.

______ of the Day

Slacking

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