02 14 00

ich liebe dich

Yo, kids. Your parents might not want reading this entry due to the language, so do it on the sly and stuff. Really, it's not that bad. Honest. You'll get worse in your sex-ed class.

Back when, I hated Valentine's Day.

It was, quite possibly, the worst day of the year. It only emphasized the fact that I didn't have anyone. As I grew to realize that having a "significant other" wasn't the be-all/end-all of existence, I began to tolerate the day. It still sucked, though, because I didn't have anyone.

Later, my single friends and I started to band together on Valentine's Day to party in our own way. We'd gather at someone's house and watch horror movies about couples being violently eviscerated by monsters. That was fun. But... It just wasn't the same as having a romantic evening with someone.

At last. Dave entered the scene.

We'll be celebrating Valentine's Day next weekend while he's down here. Finally, finally... I have someone. My outlook on Valentine's Day has improved tremendously.

But as you know, there's only so many ways to say, "I love you."

Last night we were playing around on the AltaVista Translation machine (see the sidebar). The translator gives odd translations at worst and totally wacko at best.

The game goes like this. You think of a phrase and enter it into the translator. Choose a language to translate it to. (We used German because we're both a little familiar with it. I know some Italian, but it's all useless garbage). Copy the translated German phrase back into the translator, and translate it back into English.

Sometime the results can be a little surprising. grin

We started out just entering slightly erotic sweet nothings, just silly phrases we thought up. It started escalating a bit, but Dave had to go to bed. After he left, I entered a few "stereotypical" romance novel phrases that I thought the translator would trip over. Here are the results. Enjoy!

• Original: I want to fondle your buttocks.
  
• German: Ich wünsche zum fondle Ihre Hinterteile.
  
• Result: I require to fondle your back parts.

"Oh really? I didn't know that was part of the requirements."

• Original: One look from your beautiful eyes sends me into spasms of delight.
  
• German: Ein Blick von Ihren schönen Augen sendet mich in Spasms der Freude.
  
• Result: A view of your beautiful eyes transmits me in Spasms of the joy.

sssschhhrrrack! "Base to Sarah, please retransmit your spasms of the joy. Over."

• Original: Whisper your sweet nothings in my ear as you caress my body.
  
• German: Whisper Ihre süssen nothings in meinem Ohr, wie Sie meinen Körper streicheln.
  
• Result: Whisper your sweet NOT-HUNG in my ear, as you mean bodies stroke.

"Ow! Get your stupid NOT-HUNG out of my ear, you fool! And take your mean old body with you."

• Original: I love to hug you, I love to kiss you, I love to love you.
  
• German: Ich liebe, Sie zu umarmen, ich liebe, Sie zu küssen, ich liebe, Sie zu lieben.
  
• Result: I love to embrace you I love, to kiss you I love, to love you.

I thought it was interesting that it basically got that one right, except for the punctuation.

• Original: When I kiss your wonderful lips, I feel shivers run up and down my spine.
  
• German: Wenn ich Ihre wundervollen Lippen küsse, glaube ich Shivers, auf und ab meinen Dorn zu laufen.
  
• Result: If I kiss your wonderful lips, I believe Shivers, on and mean off to run thorn.

You have to clap if you believe in Shivers! Clap! Otherwise the thorns will get them! Clap!

• Original: I want to cuddle up to your sleeping form and mold myself into your arms.
  
• German: Ich wünsche zum cuddle bis zu Ihrem Schlafenformular und forme mich in Ihre Arme.
  
• Result: I require to cuddle up to your form for sleeping and form myself into your levers.

More requirements. sigh Ok, let me into those levers, now. Ow! Quittit!

• Original: I want to feel your erect penis pressing into me while you hold me tightly.
  
• German: Ich möchte Ihrem aufgerichteten Penis glauben, in mich sich zu betätigen, während Sie mich fest anhalten.
  
• Result: I would like to believe your put up Penis to work into me while you stop me firmly.

Work it, baby! Don't stop! Augh, you stopped me!

Of course, I saved the best for last. grin

• Original: I want to kiss you and make your toes curl.
  
• German: Ich möchte Sie küssen und Ihre Zehen sich kräuseln lassen.
  
• Result: I would like to kiss you and be able your toes to be rippled/crinkled.

Damnit, woman! You crinkled my toes again. Come on, back to the emergency room.

• Original: I will run my tongue all over your body and nibble your ears.
  
• German: Ich lasse meine Zunge ganz über Ihrem Körper laufen und nage Ihre Ohren ab.
  
• Result: I let my tongue run completely over your body and gnaw your ears off.

G'night, folks!

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