01 16 00

testosterone

Last night I was chatting with Dave on IRC when I heard a hubbub in the parking lot.

I poked my head outside and saw a large group of people fighting. One of my neighbors was throwing a pre-spring semester party, and as usual things got out of hand. One drunken dumbfuck kept yelling, "Give me my fucking keys!" while his friends held him back. Apparently someone had taken his car keys to keep him from driving home. So of course he starts shoving people, and fists start flying, etc etc.

This wouldn't have bothered me, except for the fact that they were RIGHT NEXT TO MY CAR.

Hoo boy.

I waited for the shouting to die down a bit, and ventured outside to check my car. Dexter's all dirty with salt, so I could tell someone had brushed up against him. But as far as I could tell he wasn't damaged at all. I moved him down to the next parking lot just to be safe, though.

The police had arrived by the time I went outside to get Dexter. I was glad they were there, because they would have had a report filed about a fight if there was damage to my car. Fortunately it didn't come to that.

It reminded me of an incident that happened a few years ago at a friend's house. We had returned from the bars to do some front porch drinking. It was a nice, warm night - beautiful weather for sitting outside. We cracked open a few cold ones and sat around chatting.

Some of the guys were motorcycle lovers. They had Harley look-a-likes, and spent a lot of time fixing and messing around with them. When a bunch of crotch-rockets flew down the street past the house, one of the guys (we'll call him Bud) stood up and yelled, "Get a real bike, assholes!"

eye roll Guys. Sheesh.

Anyway, across the street was a frat house. Three or four guys were sitting on that porch, and thought Bud was yelling at them. So they stand up and start yelling stuff back. Bud walked down to the street and stood there, basically egging them on.

Now, you have to picture Bud. He's thin. He's got wire-rimmed glasses. He's balding. Not a terribly intimidating fellow at first glance.

These frat boys saw Bud standing on the tree lawn across the street. They disappeared back into the house. I can just imagine the conversation that went on.

"Hey, there's a skinny guy across the street yelling shit."

"Should we fight him?"

"Yeah! How many guys do we need?"

A few moments later it looked like someone had kicked an anthill. Guys were streaming out of the frat house into the street. I swear some even climbed out of the windows. And they all wanted to kill Bud.

Some of the other guys on our side went down to pull Bud back from all this, while others stayed up by the porch. I just sat in my chair watching. I didn't want to get involved. The fight went on in the middle of a main street, and cars were swerving around people left and right. It looked like a riot had broken out.

A cop car pulled up and turned on its lights, and everyone went back to neutral corners. And then - I'm still shocked about this - the cop drove off! He left! So of course the fight breaks out again.

Another friend went inside to call the police. Meanwhile, Bud's girlfriend had gone down to help pull Bud back onto the sidewalk, and someone had punched her. This sent Bud into a frenzy. He wanted blood and he wanted it NOW.

A cop pulls up, then a second. The fight dissipated, statements were given, and things seemed to settle down. The girl who lived in the house (Bud's girlfriend) asked the police to "keep an eye out," since she was afraid the frat boys would do something to get back at her. They agreed and left.

We were all sitting inside by this time, but someone looked out the window and saw one of the frat boys walk up the sidewalk to the house, stand by the steps where we had been sitting, whip out his schlong and take a leak on the steps. Then he started making motions like he was jacking off on the steps, too.

... And a police officer walked up the steps, took the fratling's collar, and led him down the steps to a police car.

A pretty nice ending to the evening, all told. Oh yes... only in a college town.

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