01 04 00

smear fears

Things are starting to settle for me again after my trip. I'm still coughing (don't expect that to go away anytime soon), but I have so much to do that I have other things to think about.

Like Min.

I saw her today, and she was upset. She had her annual exam at Planned Parenthood, and they told her that her Pap smear was "irregular." What does that mean? They didn't tell her. They just said that they'll have to do another one. So she's freaking out about having cancer, or not being able to have children. I gave her a hug. I didn't know what else to do.

But it started me thinking. I've never had a Pap smear.

It's always been one of those things that I knew I should get around to doing, but never managed to actually do. There's always hype about "if you're sexually active you should have an examination." But I'm not sexually active, so I never thought it applied to me. I know that I should have one done, but it was never a pressing concern because I wasn't sexually active.

Plus I never thought I could afford one. I didn't know Planned Parenthood gave gynecological exams until this morning.

After all, I'm only 25, right? But Min is 23. And if she has a problem, I certainly could have one. So now I'm afraid to actually have an exam, having swung from "I don't need one" to "What if they find something?"

I understand the procedure. I'm pretty sure I know what they look for. But having to set up an appointment to have someone spread my legs and take a "sample" makes me feel all strange.

Yeah, yeah. They're professionals, they do this all the time, there's probably nothing that they haven't seen, blah blah blah.

I know I'm going to procrastinate about this now. It's going to be sitting on my mind, bothering me. I'll make plans to set up an appointment, put it on my "to do" list, shuffle it around, ignore it... Until I forget about it completely.

Unless something is wrong with Min.

I neglect my health. I don't have health insurance, and I can't afford "just because" doctors visits. When I got sick this last time I never went to the doctor because it was "just a cold." Will I feel the same if it's "just cancer?"

My little sister might have cancer.

She probably doesn't. It's probably just some weird thing that popped up in the sample and they'll do another and everything will turn out to be fine. God, I hope everything is fine.

To do: make appointment with Planned Parenthood.

Looking Back

Spinning