12 03 99

survey says

I love giving my opinions to anyone who will listen.

In the past few months I've signed up for several online survey lists. Every few weeks I get a slew of mail regarding new surveys to fill out. They send me an email with a URL for a survey, and I go and take it. In exchange for my time, they bribe me with entries into drawings and stuff. Occasionally when I fill out a very long survey they'll send me money.

Ok, so that's only happened once, but it was a nice surprise to find a five-dollar bill in the mail.

Anyway, yesterday was a manic survey day. Maybe it had something to do with the beginning of the month. Hmm. In any case, I spent a good two hours filling out surveys.

About what? Mostly new products or new concepts. They'll show me an image of the product or explain the concept, and have some marketing text extolling the virtues of this new product. Then they ask me lots of questions about how I feel about the product or concept.

What I find hilarious is that I don't give a rat's ass about most of the stuff they ask me about. When you sign up for these things you fill out a little demographics piece about yourself (age, gender, race, income, etc), and they use that to decide which surveys to send you. You know, so that a 22-year-old female won't get a survey about sexual impotence or something.

Reviewing the surveys that they have chosen to send me, I've decided I'm nothing like a normal 25 year-old female.

One of the surveys I filled out last night was about a new online money management system. I have no money, and certainly don't need to go online to manage the $3.14 that I have in my checking account.

How likely are you to use this system?
Not likely at all.

You have indicated that you are not likely to use this system. Please explain why. Try to be as specific as possible.
(I glanced over at my checkbook.) I don't have any money.

How appealing do you find the service name e-Cash?
Not appealing at all.

How appealing do you find the service name i-Cash?
Not appealing at all.

How appealing do you find the service name Quick-Cash?
Not appealing at all.

You have indicated that you did not find any of the proposed service names appealing. Please explain why. Try to be as specific as possible.
Names don't mean much to me. They could call it Sooper Dooper Fan-Tab-U-Listic Money Wrangling System for all I care.

And I really don't care. I'm not trying to mess up their results or anything, really! I'm just giving them my honest feelings on the subject.

The next survey was on a new kind of tortilla chip. Now, I really like tortilla chips. They're yummy and salty and crunchy. But the flavor of these new chips was "red pepper."

I hate red peppers.

How appealing do you find the description of this product?
Not appealing at all.

You have indicated that you do not find this product appealing. Please explain why. Try to be as specific as possible.
I don't like red peppers. They make my tongue burn.

How likely is it that you would eat salsa with these chips?
Not likely at all.

You have indicated that you would not eat salsa with these chips. Please explain why. Try to be as specific as possible.
(Somehow, I had known this question was coming.) I don't like salsa. Ask me about cheese dip. I like cheese.

They never did ask me about cheese.

The third survey was about some new web site concept. Basically it was a place where you could buy feminine products (shampoo, make-up, etc) before they appeared in stores.

In other words, really freaking expensive stuff.

But I dutifully read the concept and it looked pretty interesting. You could also get products from other countries. Then I saw the proposed product list. There wasn't a single thing on it that I would have bought.

How likely are you to shop at this web site?
Not likely at all.

You have indicated that you would not shop at this web site. Please explain why. Try to be as specific as possible.
There isn't anything I would buy there.

Please list some products that you would like to see offered at this web site.
(This was a toughie.) Deodorant. Feminine hygiene products.

When was your last menstrual cycle?
(Eek! Thankfully it was multiple choice.) Within the last three months.

Please choose which combination of products best describes what you use during your menstrual cycle.
(Getting a little personal, aren't they?) Pads and tampons equally.

I have no idea why they wanted this information, but now they have it. (And so do you. Don't you feel elite?)

The final survey was by far the most entertaining of the evening. I'm glad I saved it for last.

The new product was for something called Hair Revival. It looked like some kind of spray, and the description wasn't very clear about it either. But the ad copy had me rolling on the floor.

I don't remember the exact wording, but the copy promised that the product would "make your hair smell fresh and clean." Instead of musty and dirty, I suppose. Furthermore, it would "give your hair a refreshed, energized look."

Energized look?

How appealing do you find the description of this product?
Not very appealing.

You have indicated that you do not the description of this product very appealing. Please explain why. Try to be as specific as possible.
It sounds scary.

Please explain what you LIKE about the product.
(Oh great, changing the rhythm on me.) Well, fresh-smelling hair would be nice, but I shower every day so I never smell musty. What does "fresh" hair smell like, anyway? No one wants to walk around smelling like they just dunked their head in a chemical vat.

Please explain what you DISLIKE about the product.
What the heck does "energized hair" look like? I'm imagining a Bride of Frankenstein look here. You might want to choose another word. Then again, I might just be weird.

And that's the honest truth.

Some of these companies make their survey results available after a certain time. I'm interested to see what other twenty-something women thought about the energized hair look.

Looking Up

______ of the Day

Spinning

"The Dolphin's Cry" by +Live+ off the album The Distance to Here.

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