I live alone.

Sometimes it gets lonesome, but I've tried the roommate thing and had bad experiences. Ok, so I had one psycho roommate. I'm not eager to repeat the experience.

If the dishes don't get done I know who to blame. If the phone bill is outrageous, I know who pays it. If there's scary sounds outside...

Guess who gets to check it out?

Today I was at work and called home to check my messages. (I have one of those answering machines (which was way high-tech three years ago) that lets you punch in a code to get your messages or erase them.) The phone was busy.

This was Odd, but not unusual. Someone was probably leaving me a message, right? No big deal. I tried again a few minutes later. Still busy. Things were getting Odder. I tried again. Busy. Quite Odd, indeed. I tried a fourth time.

The answering machine clicked on and my outgoing message played, but it stopped halfway through. And then I heard - I heard! - someone pick up the receiver and thump it back into the cradle.

It sounded like there was someone in my apartment.

I looked at the Maintenance Manager and briefly explained what had just happened. "I have to go," I said, getting up and putting on my jacket. "I'll be right back, I hope."

"Do you want someone to go with you?" he asked. I declined (I'm such a freakin' idiot sometimes) but took his cellphone in case I needed to call someone.

During the three-minute drive home my mind was racing. What if there was someone in my apartment? What would I do? I actually devised a semi-reasonable before I got there. I would scope out the apartment from the sidewalk, seeing if there were lights or movement inside. If there were, I would call the police. If I didn't see anything I would go in, using my gloves on the handles in case whoever it was left fingerprints.

Well, the apartment was dark. I test the handle - locked. As stealthily as I could I slipped my key into the lock and opened the door very slowly. Nothing seemed amiss in the shadowy darkness of my living room, so I flicked on the light.

Jaws blinked in the sudden light and yawned at me from the couch. I figured that if there was someone in the apartment, Jaws wouldn't be asleep on the couch - she would either be hiding or begging the intruder for food.

Nothing was missing that I immediately saw (my computer is the most valuable thing I have). I checked the phone and answering machine, and saw that the phone was slightly off the hook. I slid the phone securely back into its cradle and turned around to look at Jaws. She stretched before climbing off the couch.

Out of curiosity I put my hand on the couch where she had been lying, and the spot was quite warm. She'd been there for a while. And if she was there... Hmm. I ran upstairs and checked my bedroom, the bathroom, and all my closets. I found no one.

If there was no intruder, and Jaws was asleep on the couch... Then who had the phone off the hook while I called the first few times? Who hung up on me when I finally got through?

Either I have poltergeists, or Jaws has a boyfriend she's hiding from me.

I hope that it's poltergeists. I can't afford two cats.