It isn't fair.

I figured out what was causing my headaches, or so I thought: caffeine. I drink vast quantities of pop during the day, and I would always get headaches. Bad headaches. So in light of my recent lack of money I've stopped buying pop. The headaches went away for a while.

And it's back. A throbbing pain just above my right eye. Here I've been avoiding caffeine, even though I've been greatly missing my Swiss Mocha coffee in the morning. (It's cold outside, you know.) And I'm still getting headaches.

I know, I know... I've been doing a lot of complaining these past few days, and you're probably getting sick of it. I'm sorry. frown

I was going to go outside to watch the Leonids tonight but I just don't feel like standing outside in the cold craning my neck up at the sky. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling run down and tired and hurting and missing Dave.

There was an article that I read today about sin that I've been thinking about. I am a Unitarian Universalist, and really don't put much stock in sin. This article was pretty interesting, though. I'll have to digest it further before I comment on it, but I did decide that according to strict Christian values I'm a terrible sinner. grin

For example, there are the Seven Deadly Sins. I think I'm guilty of them all every day. So let me review my sinful state today:

• Pride. The Operations Manager at work was designing a new schedule today. And I must say that she really sucks at design. She's new to the whole desktop publishing thing, and the schedule she came up with looks like crap. The fonts are all weird, and it's pretty hard to read. It just screams "Look! I just learned how to use this font whooz-a-ma-wadgie! Isn't it ky00l?" So last night I took ten minutes and redesigned it, printed it out, and left it on her desk. When I came in today, I saw that she had taken her design over to the Big Boss and had him critique it. My design? In the trash. She never mentioned it to me. I know that my design looked better than hers did. But if the Big Boss wants that ugly piece of foo representing us, it's none of my business, right? My design skills are much better than hers.
  
• Envy. The auction is totally over, and they're getting rid of all the junk that didn't sell. I had my eye on some sectional couches. I figured if I wrapped the cushions in plastic, one of those couches would go great on my patio. But they were all gone today. Someone came early this morning and picked them all up. I wish I had gotten one of those couches instead of whoever got them.
  
• Anger. I hate it when people treat me like I'm stupid. I am not stupid. I'm not even slightly dim. If you have explained something to me, chances are I've got it. If I don't "got" it, I'll ask. I do not need to be reminded to do something that I have been doing correctly for the past month. I do not need you to look over my shoulder. I usually do not want your help - I'm much happier figuring out things on my own. If I get stuck, I'll ask. Don't assume I'm stupid unless I prove otherwise, damnit!
  
• Sloth. I managed to crawl out of bed around 7am and watched Pokemon and the first half of Digimon. I meant to get showered and dressed and go out and apply for more jobs, but it never happened. In the middle of Digimon I went back upstairs to use the bathroom, then crawled back into bed. I slept until 10:45am. So much for getting stuff done. I would rather sleep than do anything constructive.
  
• Avarice. This particular sin was difficult, because I don't have anything to be greedy about. I have no money. I wish I had money. Does that constitute avarice? I want my debts to be paid off, which is why I'm looking for a second job. I want money!
  
• Gluttony. I don't have much food, either. I'm trying to hoard what little food I have until my next paycheck, when I should be able to buy groceries. I am very hungry, though. All I've eaten today was a can of tomato soup... And half a bag of the Asst. Operations Manager's chocolate covered raisins. She handed me the bag at work, and before I knew it I had gulped down half the bag! Yikes! I apologized, but I could tell she was a little put out. I ate half a bag of chocolate covered raisins without realizing it!
  
• Lust. Dave managed to sneak online tonight so we could talk briefly. I miss him so much. I want to hold him. I want him to put his arms around me. I want to snuggle my face down into his shoulder. I want him to touch me all over. I want to lie next to him, just listening to him breathe. Is that lust or love? Or both? Is it a sin? I don't know. I want Dave. Here. Now. Forever.

Well, that's seven. Looks like I'm Hell-bound. I hope it's warmer there.