My mother called me today before I went into work. She asked about my trip.

"It was good," I said. I wasn't really in the mood to talk much.

"This thing with Dave... Is it serious?" she asked in a hushed voice.

"Well, yeah," I replied. Duh. Did she think I'd drag some random Canadian guy to meet her and my dad, and spend hundreds of dollars to visit him in Canada - in October, no less - if it wasn't serious?

"Oooh," she sighed. "I do like him. It's a shame he lives so far away."

"Tell me about it," I said.

She started to say something about him moving here or me moving there, but I think she suddenly realized that I would be the one to move, since he has a better job than I do. She stopped mid-sentence. I'm glad she did. It's something that I've thought about, but only briefly. It scares me too much.

I realized that I forgot to add something about my trip. On Sunday we went to the Assinoboine Zoo before going to dinner. It's a nice zoo, open all year round. We spent a lot of time at the snow leopards, watching them play. Dave chuffed at them, eliciting only brief responses. I think it was too close to feeding time for them to be terribly interested in us. It was very amusing, watching them do sneak attacks on each other. One would be lying on its side, feigning sleep, when another would do an airborne pounce from ten feet away.

Ah. See? I'm avoiding again. I was talking about the future and I changed the subject.

Dave. I love him so intensely it frightens me. I've heard that "the brighter the flame, the faster it will burn out." I can't say that won't happen to us, because it might. But right now, today, I can't imagine it happening.

So, say it doesn't happen. Say we've been seeing each other for a while, and Dave (or I, but I probably wouldn't have the nerve) pops the Question. That opens up a whole can of worms. (And yes, I have given this some thought, as much as the subject frightens me.)

I think I have a Peter Pan complex. Every once in a while I ask myself: "So. What do you want to do when you grow up?" I'm 25 and I haven't decided that yet. I do know that being a dispatcher isn't what I had in mind, and I would like to get out of Ohio eventually. I've lived my entire life in this little city. Change would be good.

But change is scary. Very scary.

Moving would be a huge upheaval for me. Moving to another country would be even worse. Moving to another country and getting married... Wow.

As near as I could figure out, the best way for Dave and I to be together would be marriage. Getting just a work visa wouldn't be easy for me, since I don't have any "essential skills." And I don't know any French, which is something They ask in the interview.

Wow.

As scary as all that change is, though, I hope that our flame doesn't burn out. Distance is our main obstacle. Distance will make us or break us.

Ah. Yes. And now I'm babbling because I can't think coherently about this subject.